Bedroom Thoughts

lying in bed
Room spinning
Head turning
The world I LIVE in
confusing
thinking silently
pondering...
wondering...
Where does this yellow brick road end?
It runs through my mind
killing time
hurting it
losing it
The answer I want to find
Stop this spinning, turning, confusing, pondering, wondering, killing, hurting, losing
Mind

thr33

I realize there are thr33 people in life: the naturally talented, the average, and the underestimated.

The naturally talented can do about anything and succeed at about anything. They are well accomplished or soon to be well accomplished. School, work, love, life comes easy to them.

The average have to work twice as hard as a naturally talented. School, work, love, life doesn't come as easy. The average may or may not be jealous of the naturally talented.

The underestimated surprises everybody. Let's be honest there are really no dumb or stupid people in the world. Even an infant with an undeveloped brain knows what to do, to get what he/she wants. These are people who can surprise you unexpectedly.

Each one of these have their ups and downs. Is it great to be any one of them? Probably. Why am I talking about this? Just to let some frustration out. I feel like everything in world you have to compete for. Those naturally talented always get first place, the average somewhere in the middle, and the underestimated are scattered throughout the spectrum. I'll admit I am AVERAGE. I have to work twice as hard to get where I want to.

Life always seems to throw curve balls at me. I always swing and strike out. Until I learn my lesson after three or more swings and finally hit the ball out of the park. I have striked out a lot in the past few months. I don't know if I will ever hit the ball. I don't want to give up but it becomes easier and easier with each passing day. I am glad I have friends who won't let me give up but you're my friends. Of course you are going to care for me and say the right thing. I'm just waiting for that one friend who will tell me I'm a fuck up.

Empty Feeling of Mine

This empty feeling of mine
It hurts more and more with time
It feels as though I am alone
I have succumb to this feeling of mine
Will this feeling be with me all my life?

Crazy World

I've seen a lot of things in my life. At the tender age of 20, I've been around the world, seen most places other people my age haven't seen or will ever see. I've been to all the Disney resorts except the one and only in Japan which I've never heard of but I will believe her. I have experienced cultures ranging from small town Europe to the traditional Asian family to the American dream. This may be due to my extensive background as a former military brat and soon to be military officer but don't let this soul fact perceive you. I still see, hear, and feel exactly as everybody else does.

Now, enough of this gibberish I speak of. I just said I've seen a lot of things in my life but what I realized is that I've haven't seen anything at all. The reasons why I say this is because I have had an interesting week filled with stories of unrealistic, unimaginable but yet true hard facts. I meet a marine this week, his name Justin. We didn't talk much about the military or his deployment to Iraq but one thing we did talk about that struck me as unbelievable were his stories about shooting children. Then a few days later I watched Blood Diamond. It was a horrific but great movie. The movie showed an interesting side of violence I have never seen before. Children who barely live to the age of puberty were trained by brain washing and torture to commit violent acts of murder. I couldn't believe this is actually happening in the world. Never did I realize how CRAZY this WORLD is.

Although, I always try to look towards the good in this world – it's really hard to sometimes. There's not much I can do about this but I want to so bad. I guess that's why I'm glad I will be in the military. I will be able to do something rather than nothing. I will be able to say I helped these children. I was thinking if something were to happen to anybody, even strangers, I would gladly give my life to save another. It may sound ridiculous but it may be my purpose. All this time I've been looking for a purpose in my life. Why do I live? I use to ask God this every night. He never gave me an answer until I came to Portland.

I've been here for almost three years. I love it here. I meet the most amazing people here. I have great friends. I've learned a lot about relationships and life. I've learned what it means to be a leader. I can't wait to be an officer in the Army and nurse. Two professions I greatly admire. Life is too short to live in solitude, security, and risk-free. You have to take risks, otherwise you won't learn from your mistakes. Who knows your risk might bring you somewhere. What I'm trying to say is you can't live your life in fear. You have to be able to make sacrifices. Even if it's just helping the old lady to cross the street or stopping the runaway stroller with a baby. You have to let other people inside you. Not that kind of inside you, emotionally inside of you. There's a reason why there is 6 billion people on this planet. God put us here to help one another. That is why I'm satisfied with being an officer and a nurse. I will be able to help as much as I can.